BOW WAVE 621

Bow Wave Issue 621--NIght before Xmas Edition

news and views on trade, insurance and risk

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Wavy Line	sam@wavyline.com
(c)2011 WavyLine.com	Issue No 621 23 Dec 11
Published free of charge to Readers
Editor: Sam Ignarski
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In this issue:

1. Welcome
2. Lodestar Partial Eclipse
3. Regulatory Christmas
4. Christmas Cake Recipe
5. Politically Correct Christmas
6. And Finally...

1. Welcome

Poem of the Week

December

A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled, Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled. Not much triumph going on here--and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark And are there angels hovering overhead? Hark.

Gary Johnson

New Readers this week include:-

C.N. Yang of brokers CTX
N Edwards of Safmarine
Andrew Bach of lawyers Lucas Fettes & Partners
Simon Burnay of Braemar
Mark Absalom of brokers JLT

News of Readers

Well known broker Nick Hart is going over the wall and begins work next week as an underwriter for RSA.

Readers Write

From Peter Tomlin of the Merchant Navy Welfare Board

I am extremely pleased to report that since its unplanned launch in mid-October over 500 people have actually used (not just visited) the new on line Maritime Charities Welfare Guide (see link below).

In the interest of ever closer cooperation and partnership working within the sector it is requested that all maritime charities link their websites to this new search facility To achieve this all you need do is choose which search engine logo you would like to appear on your website by clicking on this link

http://www.seafarersupport.org/logos.html

Once you have highlighted your choice of logo, forward this email to your website provider to do the rest. This will provide those personnel visiting their website the option of helping themselves and/or others seek out the most appropriate charity.

http://www.seafarersupport.org

From Gunther Hoock of Horizon Lines

Don Imus' show is known for its occasional rudeness, plus it takes a familiarity with that particular section of New York known as Brooklyn and its dwellers, to appreciate the humour of this Christmas tale. .
http://www.wabcradio.com/FlashPlayer/default.asp?SPID=22807&ID=2050461

Note from the Editor

As usual, we were inundated with contributions for our Xmas edition, an issue which all but eschews seriousness in favour of levity, sarcasm, satire and questionable taste. A very nice task it was to select the best ones. To all Readers who were moved to send in something humourous and seasonal, many thanks indeed. To Bow Wave Readers in general I wish you all the joys and consolations of the season. May the coming year bring many good things. Thank you for your support and forbearance during 2011.

Sam Ignarski

Enjoy!

2. Lodestar Partial Eclipse

From today's lloyd's List:

"Lodestar, the much-touted fixed-premium offering from the ex-British Marine team, has been hit with a High Court judgment that delays its launch date to April, after the upcoming February P&I renewal season, writes Liz McMahon.

Lodestar founders Charles Dymoke, John Hearn and Steven Kirk were told by the court on Wednesday that it had ruled to uphold QBE-owned British Marine’s restrictive contract clause. It is understood that the team must now wait until April 29 next year before underwriting any business as this will be one year since they gave notice to QBE. A formal ruling is expected in early January.

The fixed-premium alternative to P&I cover has been much discussed in the market and experts expected a launch earlier this year."

[Memo to insurance industry--this is a people business. Many firms are only a few steps away from finding their own people are decamping and leaving for competitors. They leave because their firms are failing on all sorts of levels to make their working lives satisfying and exciting. Memo to people who are contemplating escaping--consult first your Uncle Sam, who has studied dysfunctional marine insurance organisations in great depth for many years. Leaving for pastures new calls for skill, grace and steely determination-ed]

3. Regulatory Christmas

Broker Nick Angus reminds us that nothing in life is inevitable save death, taxes, P&I and compliance

All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year's well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are
specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

4. Christmas Cake Recipe

San Francisco based attorney Jim Tamulski continues Bow Wave's long tradition of salutary warnings on the perils of strong drink:-

Ingredients:

2 cups flour
4 oz butter
1 cup water
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup white sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
juice of 1 lemon
4 large eggs
Nuts
2 bottles wine
2 cups dried fruit

Method:

i. Uncork the wine and sample to check quality.

ii. Take a large bowl.

iii. Pour out one level cup of wine and drink, to ensure that it is of the required quality. Repeat.

iv. Plug in food-mixer and turn on. Beat one cup of butter in the large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon sugar. Beat again.

v. At thus point, it is recommended to taste the wine again to make sure it is at the correct temperature. Try another cup just in case.

vi. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break two eggs and add to bowl. Chuck in two cups dried fruit.

vii. Pick the frigging fruit up from the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

viii.Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine.

ix. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a sugar spoon, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

x. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360° and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally throw the bowl through the window.

xi. Finish the wine and wipe worktop with cat.

xii. Go to Tesco and buy cake.

Bingle Jells !

5. Politically Correct Christmas

Randy Cassingham's JumboJoke.Com, which has been a regular source of mirth for Bow Wave Readers, runs a piece on Christmas done the Politically Correct Way, which first appeared as long ago as 1966:-

http://tinyurl.com/cw5t76d

6. And Finally...

From veteran P&I man Alan Salisbury, who is off to Korea for pastures new, come these good thoughts

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was > standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...thought to myself, these blokes have lost the plot!!

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
No way I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.1415927 dead

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just picking daisies."
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.... I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a Chinese burn instead.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!

I was driving this morning when I saw a roadside recovery van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

P.S. Not in front of the Children

This clip, in terrible taste, comes from our friend Maria Dixon, the head of WISTA (UK). It is almost unbearable to see the old gentleman traduced...

http://www.busybus.co.uk/Design/santa/busybus_santa.swf

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