BOW WAVE 54

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Wavy Line	sam@wavyline.com
(c)2000 WavyLine.com	Issue No 54 27 Nov 00
Published free of charge to Readers
Editor: Sam Ignarski
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In this issue:

1. Welcome
2. US Shipping Site
3. Jeff Ashcroft's About Logistics
4. Insurance Megasite Makeover
5. Graphic Designers with Flair
6. And Finally...

1. Welcome

Last week's less than serious item on the US Election produced the heaviest virtual mail bag in the history of this e-zine. We received many "we are not amused" messages from readers in the United States and quite a few rejoinders. Your editor is 50 per cent of American extraction--in the interests of balance we reproduce a few of them in item 6.

The same health warning as last week;

For the avoidance of doubt, and bearing in mind the tendency for humour to travel only with great difficulty over national boundaries, it should be pointed out that item 6, in keeping with custom, is not serious. (g)

Still, it makes us wonder whether we should carry more not entirely serious items. Please let us have your views

2. US Shipping Site

A good friend of Bow wave ran across this site which gives readers any statistic they might wish to know on the subjects in the title which are, as it says, "two underappreciated and declining industries". Not forever we hope.

Access the site at

http://www.coltoncompany.com/index.htm

3. Jeff Ashcroft's About Logistics

Courtesy of the admirable About Logistics & Supply Chain e-newsletter, we ran across a number of good articles, especially the editor's pick which is an introduction to, five primers supporting the hypothesis that Supply Chain Management is at the very heart of Business to Business internet approaches.

Access their website at:

http://www.logistics.about.com/industry/logistics/library/weekly/aa102300.htm

4. Insurance Megasite Makeover

One of the very best insurance sites on the web has just had a major makeover. The new version has a much easier address and many other features. Here's Jim's list of benefits:

* New, easier site navigation
* Add your own web site link Automatically and Instantly! * Update your listing online
* Sort listings by alphabetical, city, state, country, new, recent * Rate the web sites you visit, and see the cumulative rating * Find Current Marine Insurance Events, Seminars, Conferences * Post comments on web sites you visit
* Hit counters for each web link
* We've added live news feeds for Insurance News, Shipping News and Transportation News - updated hourly!
* Send a cool web site to a friend - automatically

We can only say Highly Recommended. Check it out at:

http://www.insurance-marine.com

5. Graphic Designers with Flair

We know the graphic design team of Whorrell Rogers from many years of association and a number of commissions. Each time when asked to capture the essence of transport,shipping,finance or insurance, they come up with strong, different approaches. They have just finished work on a new website. Readers whose graphical shop window is in need of improvement may need not go any further than here.

http://www.whorrellrogers.com

6. And Finally...

Some items which came in response to last week's politically incorrect issue.

Congress appears to have taken measures to counter the ...

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE'

WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.

The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.

"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."

Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming."We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank,"They've been a constant embarrassment for too long now." Added Frank,"They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that's right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."

In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in social security funds. "These are valuable funds which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened military," said the Senator to roaring applause.

As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in each state will be tabulated by robots. "It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherently flawed," said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. "The presence of these new, superior robot mast-err, I mean - tabulators will ensure 100% accuracy."

"Remember," said Hastert, "every vote counts, especially if it's counted by robots."

Dynamiting will begin along the Florida border next Wednesday, after which the state will be completely geographically separated from the United States.

"After that, they're on their own," said Hastert. "I hope they sink."

TO: United Kingdom
FROM: The United States of America
SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland,

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

3. Review your basic arithmetic.(Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock,and Two Smoking Barrels", "Train spotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Britannia ditty, it's toe tapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook.

8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap
operas.

Last of all we received from a reader in China the reference below. Upon receipt, we were reminded of how universally popular in the Middle Kingdom are the works of an English comedian called Norman Wisdom.

http://www.dovewinds.com/dubya/

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