BOW WAVE 288

Bow Wave Issue 288--Ancient Greek Edition

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Wavy Line	sam@wavyline.com
(c)2005 WavyLine.com	Issue No 288 30 May 05
Published free of charge to Readers
Editor: Sam Ignarski
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In this issue:

1. Welcome
2. Book Review: To the Baltic with Bob
3. TruckPol Alert
4. Maritime Dispute Resolution-2005
5. The Trireme
6. And Finally...

1. Welcome

Poem of the Week

WHISKY JOHNNY

Welcome friend? There's only one friend
Glowing in the glass.
From the breakfast boost to the bedtime bump
It sees you through the day.

Here's my young second, full of fire
to talk about jobs down below.
Look at him go. You'd think there was a medal to be won. Such a joy to see one so keen.

At least that's what I say. But jealousy
rings truer. Bright lad, that;
Understands every button and beep
From our fancy controls, arrayed in
air-conditioned splendour. No 110 degress
on the plates for them. Mostly, they just
Confuse me.

But I know his route. Now it's
just one with lunch and a social few
in the evening. But wait: one before
Smoko becomes one before breakfast

And a few at night become many.
It's easy when you sweat it out;
110 on the plates sees to that.
and a Monday hammer, swinging free
Takes care of the rest.

Down in the pit, with machines all
Around, self-control comes easy.
But once you put on that fourth stripe,
Alone in a cabin all day.
One leads to another, with no reason to stop
And your little friend's message feels good.

So the question arises, why am I here?
With my bright young second to run her.
Well, one of these days I'll show you;
When the main engine falls silent

When really it oughtn't. Then my clever
young second appears at my door
Looking sick with worry.
"Think it's a main bearing, chief,
But the automatics shut her down

In time. Maybe no damage?"
Well, that's as maybe, but let's take
A look. Call all the squad
And I'll meet you down there.
Funny things, big diesels, and
My nose tells me different.

Twenty hours later, with cross-head nut tightened, We flash her up again. Sweet as a Rolls.
There you are, second, all yours.
I'm off to my cabin. Let the auto systems
take over. And the whisky? Never felt it.

110 on the plates saw to that.

Douglas Lindsay

New Readers this week include:

Rene Stiegler, Managing Director of Shipcom
Thorbjorn Bors of Rating Agency Standard & Poors
Rainer Dehe of Hamburg Sued in the US

News of Readers

Fritz Stabinger,the well known manager of marine underwriting, has retired after almost 30 years with Swiss Re Marine. He will continue as secretary general of IUMI.

Contact him at:-

Fritz.Stabinger@svv.ch.

Readers Write

From Andreas Haberbeck

Thanks for waving the linguists’ flag (Bow Wave Issue 287). However, these days a number of major German conglomerates have made English their in-house language, even inside their German offices. Similarly, here in Saudi Arabia all serious business is conducted in English -- even a loan by a Saudi bank to a Saudi company is ordinarily documented in English. I have lived here for over 17 years, and I probably spoke better Arabic before I got here, because I was making the effort to learn in the mistaken belief that Arabic would be necessary, or at least useful, in my daily work.

contact Andreas at:-

haberbeck@saudilegal.com

AfterOfficeHours News

The latest firm to publish their entry in this on-line directory is RogersWilkin, the new marine claims company founded by Nigel Rogers (who has also been elected Chairman of the Association of Average Adjusters) and Alan Wilkin. We wish them well.

To read the entry go to:-

http://www.afterofficehours.com/d_page.php?id=50

Frequently Asked Questions

Question 1:
I already have a website. What can AfterOfficeHours do for my firm that Google doesn't do already?

Answer:
Type in the words "Marine" "Surveyor" "Antwerp" into Google and you will be presented with 980 selections to sift. Hardly the thing in the circumstances of a late night emergency. AfterOfficeHours has two search methods. The basic search scans the pages of subscribers and returns a result. The advanced search will search against a name, a road, a town or a date and return a much more filtered return. If all you can remember is a name or a building, the advanced search will try and find it in the subject listings.
Question 2
:
I'm already on the Web. Why do I need AfterOfficeHours as well?

Answer:
A further practical advantage for subscribers is the ease with which they can update their entries on AfterOfficeHours. No special html tags or other marking up is required. Entries can be changed daily without difficulty. Subscribers can reclaim the flexibility of the web without going through the webmasters, IT departments , webdesigners, or slow moving committees.

Question 3

My firm already appears in the directories of various clubs and insurers. Why should I list in AfterOfficeHours?

Answer:
Work available through the Clubs and Insurers is highly sought after and in short supply. Correspondents and agents are suitable business partners for other parties who have a need for a local presence and local knowledge. Use After OfficeHours to inform the world of what you can do.

AfterOfficeHours Subscription Rates

Basic Subscription £250
Silver Subscription £600
Private Directory £tba

There is a Free 3 Month Trial Period
Register at:-
http://www.afterofficehours.com

Quite a mixed bag this week. The them of languages continues with item 5.

Enjoy.

2. Book Review: To the Baltic with Bob

The way that you do, I mentioned this book the other day to Ake Nilsen, the paperless trade guru and he confirmed that he too had read it. Now Ake is an expatriate from Gothenburg, who lives in England out of choice, he likes it and he is into English/Welsh humour. This book is about Griff’s voyage to the Baltic in a wooden yacht, born and restored out of a sense of the romantic, all the way to St Petersburg via the southern rim of the Baltic and home via the coastal waters of various countries in Scandinavia. "You Brits don’t really care for the details of abroad," opined Ake, "I mean there are place names in that book which I simply cannot recognise. They do not correspond with anything I have heard of. I wonder where they came from?". He also-well-disagreed with the the blurb on the cover taken from Publishing News which states that the book "actually makes you helpless with laughter." I am with him here--mildly amusing here and there covers it pretty well.

But actually the book is well worth reading for the way it observes and chronicles life in the former COMECON countries as they emerge into their newer, freer, more western ways of living. Your reviewer, many years ago in the 1980s used to be a traveller in these countries urging the merits of through transport insurances upon the central bankers and truckers in the Baltic States. Travel was cold, food was bad and conditions were austere, even in the hard currency hotels whose custodians were more than willing to take our dollars at top whack rates. One remembers well the Seminar on Haulage Insurance we once held in a cinema in Talinn, so perishingly cold that we all kept our overcoats on. And although the audience well understood Russian, the political correctness of the time demanded that the proceedings be translated as we went along in Estonian. Every now again our Russian colleague was allowed to summarise the proceedings in Russian. So at least a few sentiments were received and understood by our stolid audience.

Griff Rhys Jones sailed in the company of Bob and others, some competent sailors and fixers of boats, others along for the ride and out for fun. He captures well the claustrophobia of life on a small boat with limited head room and not much stowage space. The terrors of navigating in shipping channels in limited visibility and at night are well portrayed. The half way house between paper and electronic charts wherein half the ocean going world still seems to dwell is described with careful reference to the sheer cost of these ancient and modern aids to safe navigation to the yachtsman.. Rhys Jones is a fuss pot--he was, I seem recall, a few years older than I at university but the warning notices in the college’s dank photographic dark room were all signed by him--they politely requested that users left the trays and tanks as they found them--but his fame in Footlights was already well known.

Bob, the epynomonous shipmate, is also a slob and the peaks and troughs in their relationship provides one of the themes of this engaging book. Rees Jones likes everything just so, Bob just can’t really be arsed. The book bears comparison with the small boat writings of Jonathan Raban in that the authors both dwell on earlier life afloat spent in the company of their overbearing fathers. For despite all the consolations of sailing long distances in small boats, it cannot often be denied that the experience brings out the pocket Hitler in many men when they put on their skipper’s hat.

To the Baltic with Bob, Griff Rhys Jones, Penguin Books, 2003 (ISBN 0-141-01286-2)

3. TruckPol Alert

Many thanks to David Frugtniet for passing on this latest warning:-

Ladies & Gentlemen

After a lull in activity over the last two months, the London Docklands lorry load diversion team appear to be back at work.

Between Friday 13/05/05 and Monday 16/05/05 several calls were placed to a shipper (Felixtowe & Southampton), carrier (Eastleigh, Hants) and importer (St Ives, Cambs) of golfing equipment. An attempt was made to divert two containers of product worth £1.2 million due to be transported from Southampton to St Ives into Unit 11-13, Caxton Street North, E16 which as you are aware is an address used by this criminal gang on several occasions in the past.

Fortunately, due to our recent alerts and heightened awareness of the problem within the industry, a member of staff became suspicious and reported it to her supervisor. During subsequent calls, including several where the caller impersonated police officers,
the attempt was uncovered and no theft took place. Please remind all staff, particularly sub-contractors, drivers and those employed in transport offices, to be extra vigilant when discussing freight movement as this lot will almost certainly try again. Any suspect calls, including those from people purporting to be police officers, should be verified by calling back to a landline or via email. Genuine callers will not object to this. In addition, drivers must be told not to accept instructions to 'tranship' loads to another vehicle from people who approach them in the street, no matter how legitimate they appear. A simple call to the transport office is all that is needed to avoid the 'round the corner' game on many occasions.

Please report any suspicious calls to TruckPol and feel free to contact me if you have any problems

Mark

DS Mark Hooper
SCD6 TruckPol

Tel. 020 7230 7775 Metphone 67775 Fax. 020 7230 7774 Metfax 67774
Mobile 07881 847065
e-mailnn.police.uk

4. Maritime Dispute Resolution-2005

Ritta Saoud writes:-

The Dubai International Arbitration Centre (DIAC) is pleased to announce it will be hosting an international conference entitled "Maritime Dispute Resolution-Dubai 2005" on the 13th and 14th June 2005 at the Dubai Chamber of Commerce & Industry (DCCI) at the main conference hall. This one-and-half day conference, which will be held in cooperation with the German Maritime Arbitration Association (GMAA), will focus on the difficulties which may encounter the enforcement of maritime agreements regionally and internationally and will explore the increased use of mediation and arbitration to resolve maritime conflicts. With the constantly expanding maritime industry in the Middle East, the aims of this forthcoming conference are to examine current developments in the law and practice of maritime mediation and arbitration, the challenges faced by lawyers, arbitrators and all practitioners in the maritime industry and the contribution that international arbitration centres are making to the establishment of competent dispute resolution mechanisms in this sector. This international conference will bring industry experts from all over the world to examine maritime dispute resolution procedures, with
an emphasis on the Middle Eastern region.

The conference will be divided into a series of discussion panels covering issues ranging from charter-party arbitration clauses in bills of lading and cargo claims to overcoming hurdles towards a functioning maritime arbitration and mediation in the Middle East. The sessions will end with a mock arbitration role play conducted by experts from the GMAA, which will give delegates a closer insight into the practice of maritime dispute resolution. Other speakers for this event include industry figures and a selection of maritime lawyers from the region and abroad.
The conference will provide an opportunity to develop a network of experts in the region for arbitration and mediation which will in turn facilitate the development of efficient arbitration and mediation services for the specialised maritime industry in Dubai and the region.

The conference is heavily supported by sponsors including Al Tamimi & Company, The Law Firm of Majed M.Garoub (Saudi Arabia) and Habib Al Mulla & Company.
Further co-sponsors include Stephenson Harwood (London), Al Suwaidi & Company, Kanaan & Azhari, Maamoun Alkhouli & Associates, and Fichte & Co. Legal Consultancy.

For further details about this event, please contact Ritta Saoud (coordinator of DIAC events)

Tel:+9714-2028270/343
e-mail:ov.ae.

5. The Trireme

Andrew Wilson, once your editor's Form Master at Bedford Modern School, who is now retired, continues to inspire younger generations. He has attained considerable renown for The Classics Pages website which is designed to promote interest in the classical world. He has also plowed new furrows as the translator into ancient Greek of Harry Potter. His site has an excellent section devoted to the Trireme:-

http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~loxias/trireme.htm

6. And Finally...

This extensive list of axioms and laws arrives courtesy of Jeffrey Blum:-

Murphy's Laws And Other Observations

These laws might explain a great deal to those of you who look up at the heavens and exclaim " WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!!!"

Murphy's Laws
1. If Anything Can Go Wrong, It Will.
2. If There Is A Possibility Of Several Things Going Wrong, The One That Will Cause The Most Damage Will Be The First One To Go Wrong.
3. If Anything Just Cannot Go Wrong, It Will Anyway. 4. If You Perceive That There Are Four Possible Ways In Which Something Can Go Wrong, And Circumvent These, Then A Fifth Way, Unprepared For, Will Promptly Develop. 5. Left To Themselves, Things Tend To Go From Bad To Worse. 6. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
7. Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw. 8. Mother Nature Is A Bitch.

O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Laws
Murphy Was An Optimist.

Ginsberg's Theorems
1. You Can't Win.
2. You Can't Break Even.
3. You Can't Even Quit The Game.

Forsyth's Second Corollary To Murphy's Laws
Just When You See The Light At The End Of The Tunnel, The Roof Caves In.

Blum's Third Corollary To Murphy's Laws
Just When You See The Light At The End Of The Tunnel, You Realise That It's The Headlight Of An Approaching Train

Weiler's Law
Nothing Is Impossible For The Man Who Doesn't Have To Do It Himself.

The Laws Of Computer Programming
1. Any Given Program, When Running, Is Obsolete. 2. Any Given Program Costs More And Takes Longer Each Time It Is Run.
3. If A Program Is Useful, It Will Have To Be Changed. 4. If A Program Is Useless, It Will Have To Be Documented. 5. Any Given Program Will Expand To Fill All The Available Memory.
6. The Value Of A Program Is Inversely Proportional To The Weight Of Its Output.
7. Program Complexity Grows Until It Exceeds The Capability Of The Programmer Who Must Maintain It.

Pierce's Law
In Any Computer System, The Machine Will Always Misinterpret, Misconstrue, Misprint, Or Not Evaluate Any Maths Or Subroutines Or Fail To Print Any Output On At Least The First Run Through.

Corollary To Pierce's Law
When A Compiler Accepts A Program Without Error On The First Run, The Program Will Not Yield The Desired Output.

Addition To Murphy's Laws
In Nature, Nothing Is Ever Right. Therefore, If Everything Is Going Right... Something Is Wrong.

Brook's Law
If At First You Don't Succeed, Transform Your Data Set!

Grosch's Law
Computing Power Increases As The Square Of The Cost.

Golub's Laws Of Computerdom
1. Fuzzy Project Objectives Are Used To Avoid Embarrassment Of Estimating The Corresponding Costs.
2. A Carelessly Planned Project Takes Three Times Longer To Complete Than Expected.
3. A Carefully Planned Project Takes Only Twice As Long. 4. The Effort Required To Correct a Course Increases Geometrically With Time.
5. Project Teams Detest Weekly Progress Reporting Because It So Vividly Manifests Their Lack Of Progress.

Osborn's Law
Variables Won't; Constants Aren't.

Gilb's Laws Of Unreliability
1. Computers Are Unreliable, But Humans Are Even More Unreliable. 2. Any System That Depends Upon Human Reliability Is Unreliable. 3. Undetectable Errors Are Infinite In Variety, In Contrast To Detectable Errors, Which By Definition Are Limited. 4. Investment In Reliability Will Increase Until It Exceeds The Probable Cost Of Errors, Or Until Someone Insists On Getting Some Useful Work Done.

Lubarsky's Law Of Cybernetic Entomology
There's Always One More Bug.

Troutman's Postulates
1. Profanity Is The One Language Understood By All Programmers. 2. Not Until A Program Has Been In Production For Six Months Will The Most Harmful Error Be Discovered. 3. Job Control Cards That Positively Cannot Be Arranged In Improper Order Will Be.
4. Interchangeable Tapes Won't.
5. If The Input Editor Has Been Designed To Reject All Bad Input, An Ingenious Idiot Will Discover A Method To Get Bad Data Past It.
6. If A Test Installation Functions Perfectly, All Subsequent Systems Will Malfunction.

Weinberg's Second Law
If Builders Built Buildings The Way Programmers Wrote Programs, Then The First Woodpecker That Came Along Would Destroy Civilization.

Gumperson's Law
The Probability Of Anything Happening Is In Inverse Ratio To Its Desirability.

Gummidge's Law
The Amount Of Expertise Varies In Inverse Ratio To The Number Of Statements Understood By The General Public.

Zymurgy's First Law Of Evolving System Dynamics
Once You Open A Can Of Worms, The Only Way To Recan Them Is To Use A Larger Can (old Worms Never Die, They Just Worm Their Way Into Larger Cans).

Harvard's Law, As Applied To Computers
Under The Most Rigorously Controlled Conditions Of Pressure, Temperature, Volume, Humidity And Other Variables, The Computer Will Do As It Damn Well Pleases.

Sattinger's Law
It Works Better If You Plug It In.

Jenkinson's Law
It Won't Work.

Horner's Five Thumb Postulate
Experience Varies Directly With Equipment Ruined.

Cheop's Law
Nothing Ever Gets Built On Schedule Or Within Budget.

Rule Of Accuracy
When Working Toward The Solution Of A Problem, It Always Helps If You Know The Answer.

Zymurg's Seventh Exception To Murphy's Law
When It Rains, It Pours

Pudder's Laws
1. Anything That Begins Well Ends Badly
2. Anything That Begins Badly Ends Worse.

Westheimer's Rule
To Estimate The Time It Takes To Do A Task: Estimate The Time You Think It Should Take, Multiply By Two And Change The Unit Of Measure To The Next Highest Unit. Thus, We Allocate Two Days For A One Hour Task.

Stockmayer's Theorem
If It Looks Easy, It's Tough. If It Looks Tough, It's Damn Near Impossible.

Atwoods Corollary
No Books Are Lost By Lending Except Those You Particularly Wanted To Keep.

Johhnson's Third Law
If You Miss One Issue Of Any Magazine, It Will Be The Issue That Contains The Article, Story Or Instalment You Were Most Anxious To Read.

Corollary To Johnson's Third Law
All Of Your Friends Either Missed It, Lost It Or Threw It Out.

Harper's Magazine Law
You Never Find The Article Until You Replace It.

Brooke's Law
Adding Manpower To A Late Software Makes It Later.

Finagle's Fourth Law
Once A Job Is Fouled Up, Anything Done To Improve It Will Only Make It Worse.

Featherkile's Rule
Whatever You Did, That's What You Planned.

Flap's Law
Any Inanimate Object, Regardless Of Its Position, Configuration Or Purpose, May Be Expected To Perform At Any Time In A Totally Unexpected Manner For Reasons That Are Either Entirely Obscure Or Else Completely Mysterious.

Blum's Law
#1 Everything is Possible
#2 Nothing is straightforward
#3 If you are discouraged, remember Rule #1
#4 If things are going well, remember Rule #2

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