BOW WAVE 147

Bad Joke Edition

news and views on trade, insurance and risk

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Wavy Line	sam@wavyline.com
(c)2002 WavyLine.com	Issue No 147 16 Sep 02
Published free of charge to Readers
Editor: Sam Ignarski
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In this issue:

1. Welcome
2. Giving Spam a Bad Name
3. Changes in Maritime Legal Word in Australia
4. Insurance in Eastern Europe
5. Container Volumes in Latin America
6. And Finally...

1. Welcome

Many thanks to Reader Rod Gilbert of European Specialty Reinsurance in Dublin for this very fine item:

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages.

Haiku poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity.

Here are 16 actual messages from Japan.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao- until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky.
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Readers who are so minded are kindly requested to send in haiku relating to
their working interests.

New Readers this week include:

Steve Jones of MRC in Oxford
Essex Person Chris Field
Tony Thompson, GM of Pacific Coast Fishermen's Mutual Marine Insurance Company in British Columbia
Ian Mortimer,Claims Adjuster Allianz AGF MAT Ltd,Transport & Liability Branch
Marine Expert Ian McLeod

News of Readers

Peter Groenwoldt writes:

After more than nine years with PANDI MARINE I have decided to go back to the
ship. I have joined Harren & Partner Schiffahrts GmbH, Bremen as of September
1st and will take over responsibility for Insurance and operational and organizational matters for the group..

We wish him all good things there.

Contact him at:

p.groenwoldt@hp-shipping.de

Bill Lines has written in with details of a forthcoming event:

As promised here are further details about the Young Baltic Association bash "Bring it on" on Thursday 26 September.
It's open to all under 35s working in shipping and on this occasion will be free of charge to all.

Membership of the YBA is open to all at an annual cost of £30 per year (non-Baltic members) and £10 (Baltic members) - membership of the association will enable them to attend similar social events and educational events throughout the year.
Venue:

Sway, 61-65 Great Queen St, London WC2

Entry by guest list only. For further details contact Bill Lines on:

blines@balticexchange.com.

Hugh Bryant the legalist and ex marine mutual man has some new arrangements in hand:

"We are pleased to announce that we have bought back our practice in marine, aviation, insurance and futures law from our friends Shadbolt & Co, with effect from 1st September."

See the new website at:

http://www.bryanthamilton.com

Best regards

Hugh Bryant and Reg Bench
Partners
Bryant, Hamilton & Co

Some really terrible jokes in Item 6 this week.

Enjoy.

2. Giving Spam A Bad Name

If Spam poses a danger to the free phase of the
internet and "pop up screens" are doing the same for web sites what can we make of the daily arrivals of EXTREMELY CONFIDENTIAL e-mail messages from senders in Africa purporting to have the proceeds of the ill gotten gains of the governor of an African Central Bank and just needing the bank account details of someone of high standing to free up these millions.

Is there anyone on the planet who has not heard of these scams?

Is there an agency to whom one can forward such messages?

Is there a Reader who has an answer to the nuisance? Do tell.

3. Changes in Maritime Legal Word in Australia

We recently heard there have been changes in the small but very interesting world of Australian Maritime Law where peer group rivalry is very fierce. A recent notice from our old friends at Ebsworths says:

"Ebsworth & Ebsworth Lawyers’ will welcome aboard three of Australia’s top shipping lawyers next month, confirming its position as the leading national shipping practice.

All three partners are moving from Norton White, whose predecessor firm, Norton Smith, has been Ebsworth & Ebsworth’s rival in marine law for the past one hundred years. This historic joining of forces is set to occur on October 1.

Drew James, the transport team leader at Norton White, was named as one of the 20 top shipping lawyers
internationally in Euromoney’s The Best of the Best 2001. Drew has extensive experience in all aspects of marine law and is recognised for his leadership of large scale successful commercial litigation.

Joe Hurley practised shipping law in London before moving to Australia where he has demonstrated the breadth of his expertise handling matters which include complex marine insurance cases, the sale and purchase of large Australian controlled cargo vessels and drafting of marine legislation.

Glenn O’Brien is a transport specialist with proven experience in matters including cargo claims, arrest and admiralty, charterparty disputes, and marine and non-marine insurance."

4. Insurance in Eastern Europe

Our friend Adrian Leonard writes:

The latest issue of Insurance in Central and Eastern Europe is now available. Highlighted stories in this issue include:-

First half-year results 2002 for the Russian insurance market Czech flood losses in detail
Exclusive interview with Nada Klemencic of Triglav Outline framework for compulsory buildings insurance in Romania Macedonian insurance law in full
IFC plans to privatise Dunav
Polish Re plans to establish regional insurance investment fund

For a full contents list go to:

http://www.insurance-easteurope.info/users/issue.asp?IssueID=28&x=29&y=8.

5. Container Volumes in Latin America

"How bad", writes Jan Hoffmann in his always instructional and engagingly bilingual newsletter, "is the economic downturn for liner shipping in Latin America? With data and forecasts from DRI/Wefa we were able to include forecasts for 2004 in our Maritime Profile (Gracias Gabriel), and calculate accumulated growth since 1999":

América Central, 1,189,636, +22%
Chile, 927,369, +20%
México, 1,112,451, +18%
Brasil, 2,394,027, +17%
Perú, 269,104, +15%
Colombia, 525,219, +12%
Argentina, 894,469, +9%
Caribe, 1,174,347, +7%
Venezuela, 551,718, - 4%

For more details, see the Chart under

http://www.eclac.cl/transporte/perfil/homee.asp

6. And Finally....

The late Tommy Cooper, a very peculiar English comedian is probably entertaining the Chairman of the Immortal Underwriters as we write these words. He wore a fez whilst on stage, performed clumsy magic tricks and told terrible jokes.

Many thanks to Reader Andy Maisey who sent them in.

=================================

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fell in love - got married

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "

"Is it common? "

"It's not unusual."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

"No, because he's really heavy"

Guy goes into the doctor's.

"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside

"How's that?"

"Don't you start"

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"

The doctor said "well don't go there any more"

My dog was really barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

He was pulled under by a strong currant.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

A man walks into a pub, and notices Vincent Van Gogh is standing at the bar.

"Do you want a pint, Vince?" he asks. "No, thanks," replies the artist.

"I've got one 'ere."

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It went down the lane and turned into a field.

A brain and a jump lead go into a pub and order some drinks. The barman says "I'm not serving you two!" "Why?" asked the brain. The barman replies, "Because you are out of your skull and he's bound to start
something."

Answerphone message

"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."

What do you give a cannibal who is late for dinner?

The cold shoulder.

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic?

He choked on his own vimto.

A woman arrives at a bank with a fifty pound note stuck in each ear,and asks to see the manager.

The cashier steps through to the managers office: "There's a woman to see, sir, she's £100 in arrears."

Hear about the cannibal in an Indian restaurant?

He ate his Nan.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.

BOW WAVE is published each week to around 7450 Readers in the transport,insurance,shipping and finance industries.

Thanks for reading BOW WAVE